Losing my father to COVID-19

It's yet another lonely Sunday morning without my daddy dearest and I just need to give myself the next best chance at living my life as the best version of myself. Where I stand right now is at finding new beginnings to get over the grief of losing my father so suddenly to COVID-19. All I know is that I've excelled in being at war with self destruction. 

I really do try to sometimes fight every single negativity that comes my way; whether I am living dead or dead alive, it's just gotten to a point where living my life this way is extremely exhausting. I need to try something new or doing things just a little bit different from my so called 'natural disposition'. There's absolutely noway for me to run away from my life and my mind. I really don't know how I've become so comfortable with excelling at being my desfunctunal functional. I lived an elusion for so damn long that I would really like to live the true me for once. 

I'm giving myself a chance. I want to give my mind a chance. My heart a chance. My dreams a chance. You know! I can never give up on myself. Reality is that if I fail, I only have myself to blame. Losing my dad though has given me a strength I never even knew I had. To God be the Glory!

Back from CPT

In the past, I have never really been able to afford myself a random trip to Cape Town because I always just felt like everything was just too expensive for me. From flights, food to proper hotel rooms and boy did I really save up for the two week vacay I just come from. It was everything I needed in a nutshell, lavish gay guys and all; kid you not, I might just find myself a cute house husband in Cape Town next time I'm there. A guy with literally two or three degrees and I just tell him to sit down. No need to work babe, I've got this! 

My two week vacation in Cape Town has now unfortunately come to an end. I am now back home feeling so damn bored and uncanny but to top it all off, I ended up being upgraded to a first class seat by @_southafricanairways 😀🌎✈️

Side Note

I havent been blogging for a long time now because I just almost felt like I needed a break from a lot of things in order to fully focus on myself and redefining my creativity. When I first started my first blog Kwt Street Swag I thought it would mainly focus on fashion and style, but now as I grow older there is a lot more that matters in my life. The plan, which I can happily report is in motion as we speak, is to start dedicating more time to the things that make me smile and less time to the things that piss me off and make me feel like I’m delaying my own dreams and aspirations in favour of keeping those around me feeling happy and secure. Hope you understand and enjoy me as I stir up this pot of creativity cooking inside of me with almost everything that my heart desires.

xo

biso

Facing my demons, as a family

I often see myself as a very loyal and emotional artist. I sometimes enjoy writing about the deep rooted issues I face in my life on a day to day basis because I sort of want to inspire someone else to not make the same mistakes or bad decisions that I made in the past.

Being a recovering drug addict means that I am faced with extremely difficult challenges every single day. Now that I'm back home in King Williams Town my mind has been actively spinning with thoughts of the life I lived under the influence of so many mood and mind altering substances. It’s hard having to be back to the very place that nearly killed me, literally. 

Facing your “demons” is something we all have to do at some point. We must confront the things that plague us– our insecurities, shortcomings, and the sneaking suspicion that maybe we are not as good of people as we play ourselves to be. Life has not been easy but I've actually realized how great it is for me to rather be back home to face all my demons - head on, with the help of the people who love me the most. Mom and dad. I honestly cannot run away from the temptations of all the things of this world.

All I can say for now is that I can never allow my problems to over way my solutions. I always want to put myself in a situation where I'm spoilt or given no boundary in acting out on my love for the simple things that interest me in life.

So many family members missing in this 'family picture' because the rest of the family had to focus on making sure the party ended in total bliss or close to perfection. 

Felani says 'Fetch Your Life'

I remember walking into mamas room and her starring at me straight into my eyes and saying 'You are so dirty, shame' Followed by 'You are your own devil Thabiso.' 'You need to start loving yourself bra' It was around past six am in the morning at the break of dawn and I hadn't slept the night before ;binge drinking and smoking in my room which was directly opposite to hers. As much as I didn't hear what she was saying to me at the time (because I apparently suffer from selective hearing? What she said stuck to my head by fire by force. It was the truth I oh so needed to hear. Straight talk, and honesly thou, I've deeply learnt to always love myself in order to walk my journey in life. I need to always know my 'story' and what my purpose here in life is. When I am not walking my own path in my life I tend to gravitate or dabble too much inbetween negativity - I will start even acting out or having extreme facetious behaviours that are not even my natural disposition.

Loving myself as much as I do right now seems so perfect - It truly gives me a feeling of absolute nirvana.

By the way, I really don't know where I would be in my life without my intelligent praying mother. 

Uncuthu turns five

Ncucuza is so grown! Uncuthus 5th birthday party celebration.

Nephews like you are precious gold. because they keep their uncles from getting old. ❤️🖤

24 hours in Umtata

Two weeks after my vacation in Cape Town. Out of boredom in King William's Town I randomly decided to take a roadtrip to Umtata, all by my lonely self, of cause. My very first time in Umtata, let alone the Transkei area of the Eastern Cape. I booked into a BnB right opposite the Golf Course and tried to mingle with people by visiting a few well known spots. The highlight of my trip is having to meet the most adorable moffie in the world. Cute bottoms are always a treasure my guy.