Losing my father to COVID-19

It's yet another lonely Sunday morning without my daddy dearest and I just need to give myself the next best chance at living my life as the best version of myself. Where I stand right now is at finding new beginnings to get over the grief of losing my father so suddenly to COVID-19. All I know is that I've excelled in being at war with self destruction. 

I really do try to sometimes fight every single negativity that comes my way; whether I am living dead or dead alive, it's just gotten to a point where living my life this way is extremely exhausting. I need to try something new or doing things just a little bit different from my so called 'natural disposition'. There's absolutely noway for me to run away from my life and my mind. I really don't know how I've become so comfortable with excelling at being my desfunctunal functional. I lived an elusion for so damn long that I would really like to live the true me for once. 

I'm giving myself a chance. I want to give my mind a chance. My heart a chance. My dreams a chance. You know! I can never give up on myself. Reality is that if I fail, I only have myself to blame. Losing my dad though has given me a strength I never even knew I had. To God be the Glory!