Facing my demons, as a family

I often see myself as a very loyal and emotional artist. I sometimes enjoy writing about the deep rooted issues I face in my life on a day to day basis because I sort of want to inspire someone else to not make the same mistakes or bad decisions that I made in the past.

Being a recovering drug addict means that I am faced with extremely difficult challenges every single day. Now that I'm back home in King Williams Town my mind has been actively spinning with thoughts of the life I lived under the influence of so many mood and mind altering substances. It’s hard having to be back to the very place that nearly killed me, literally. 

Facing your “demons” is something we all have to do at some point. We must confront the things that plague us– our insecurities, shortcomings, and the sneaking suspicion that maybe we are not as good of people as we play ourselves to be. Life has not been easy but I've actually realized how great it is for me to rather be back home to face all my demons - head on, with the help of the people who love me the most. Mom and dad. I honestly cannot run away from the temptations of all the things of this world.

All I can say for now is that I can never allow my problems to over way my solutions. I always want to put myself in a situation where I'm spoilt or given no boundary in acting out on my love for the simple things that interest me in life.

So many family members missing in this 'family picture' because the rest of the family had to focus on making sure the party ended in total bliss or close to perfection. 

Felani says 'Fetch Your Life'

I remember walking into mamas room and her starring at me straight into my eyes and saying 'You are so dirty, shame' Followed by 'You are your own devil Thabiso.' 'You need to start loving yourself bra' It was around past six am in the morning at the break of dawn and I hadn't slept the night before ;binge drinking and smoking in my room which was directly opposite to hers. As much as I didn't hear what she was saying to me at the time (because I apparently suffer from selective hearing? What she said stuck to my head by fire by force. It was the truth I oh so needed to hear. Straight talk, and honesly thou, I've deeply learnt to always love myself in order to walk my journey in life. I need to always know my 'story' and what my purpose here in life is. When I am not walking my own path in my life I tend to gravitate or dabble too much inbetween negativity - I will start even acting out or having extreme facetious behaviours that are not even my natural disposition.

Loving myself as much as I do right now seems so perfect - It truly gives me a feeling of absolute nirvana.

By the way, I really don't know where I would be in my life without my intelligent praying mother. 

Uncuthu turns five

Ncucuza is so grown! Uncuthus 5th birthday party celebration.

Nephews like you are precious gold. because they keep their uncles from getting old. ❤️🖤

24 hours in Umtata

Two weeks after my vacation in Cape Town. Out of boredom in King William's Town I randomly decided to take a roadtrip to Umtata, all by my lonely self, of cause. My very first time in Umtata, let alone the Transkei area of the Eastern Cape. I booked into a BnB right opposite the Golf Course and tried to mingle with people by visiting a few well known spots. The highlight of my trip is having to meet the most adorable moffie in the world. Cute bottoms are always a treasure my guy.

Drug AB - USE

The general use/consumption of illegal substances such as alcohol, drugs or prescription meds (just to mention a few) happens almost everywhere in the world. This habit certainly isn't a racial nor an African kind of thing but is rather, in my opinion, a general stubbornness and a serious lack of self-control, purpose, confidence, ambition and most of all a lack of understanding amongst our modern day youth. We are nowadays fortunate in that we live in a society that allows us to be independent and free, and because we are spoilt for choice in making major decisions in our lives – we often make decisions that sometimes make us vulnerable or more exposed to danger and negativity, to not only ourselves but the people close to us as well. These traits and habits ultimately derive from certain individuals who don’t possess the simple skill of overcoming temptation in order to fight and not allow temptation from all the things of this world to be in control or win over your life.  The word abuse consists of the letters ‘ab’ which work as a prefix to the word abnormal – in other words abnormal use. Our modern day youth needs to understand how drugs are nothing more than just mood and mind altering substances – that effortlessly exercise and train your body into adjusting to an abnormal functioning or regularity – that commands a negative influence into your life; breaking down and reducing your value or your life to zero or nothing, equivalent to just a useless form. We need to also understand the risks; drugs influence crime and drugs kill your ambition – unknowingly losing your connection to your soul. You're literally selling your soul to devil and losing complete focus on what your purpose is to the world and to society. You miserably are abused because the more that you smoke, the more you will struggle. Nothing positive ever comes out of being a victim of drug abuse and living life abnormally only permits abnormal behavior,  You end up feeling abused and are deprived of being the person you were destined to be - you end up not knowing whether you’re getting better or just being more and more immune to the drugs. In order to be completely focused we should at least be able to dominate or command an influence over our own lives, constantly maintaining a level eye on everything in the world and around us; this could help make constructive decisions that add more positivity into our lives. You become someone else when under the influence of illegal substances and no one ever understands someone who doesn’t understand themselves – you’ll only end up hating the person you’ve become to escape what you hated being. Honour yourself the privilege of staying true to your background, your purpose and what’s most important in your life. It’s your life, and its entirely all up to you.

Let's capture the moment

I’ve been thinking about what my first blog post for February 2019 should be and, while there’s plenty pictures to post from the holidays, for some reason I just haven’t got round to even transferring all the images from my camera to my computer. I guess work just took over and I’ve been delaying the things that make me happy as a result. Blogging is one of these things but more often than not, there’s very little time in our busy lives to dedicate to the things we truly care about. I’ve decided that 2019 is going to be that year where I put me first. The plan, which I can happily report is in motion as we speak, is to start dedicating more time to the things that make me smile and less time to the things that piss me off and make me feel like I’m delaying my own dreams and aspirations in favour of keeping those around me feeling happy and secure. It's a slow process but one that will surely bring me great reward in the long run. I'm confident it will. So, yes… While this post is overly delayed, I just wanted to put this out there. Maybe you, too, should think about making this your “ME” year. Discard your fears, take the plunge. Choose happiness.

Birthday weekend in Durbs

My birthday weekend actually didn't really pan out the way I had planned it to be. Busy as always, a part of me dragged the entire trip of having to be in Durban by myself lonely self. But I kept telling myself the entire morning 'not to feel this heartbreak' And guess what? I had a pretty relaxed time Ethekwini once again. Booked into a hotel in North Beach, I spent the five days willingly laying inside the white sheets of my hotel room bed and ordering room service for all the meals of the day. This was totally unexpected, I kid you not. I went out to a few unusual Pubs around the north beach area, walking distance from Blue Suites Hotel.  I got to meet new friends, eat the 'famous' mutton curry bunny chow and enjoyed a night out at the infamous Cubanna in Florida.

 On my way back home I was happy to see the only girl that could ever, try, turn a guy like me straight (in South Africa) - miss Boity Thulo. As we were walking out of the aircraft and walking into the doors of Lanseria Airport. I felt emped up with love and confidence from being around my own space and genuinely feeling happy about that. Having nobody there to join me on my birthday dinner now felt really positive. 

As a twenty seven year old recoving drug addict, I sometimes feel pressure to sustain a concrete identity of who I really am to people in society. I call it living a suffering lavish lifestyle and ultimately, I'm all about my happiness and having a good time right now in my life. Walking my journey is what's most important. Ya'll should always know how much I pride myself about my culture and my ethnic group.

Ngilindebele mina. I am destined for greatness, ekhaya akuhlala!